My husband and I are hitting some very hard times financially and it’s affecting me emotionally. I’m also torn because I’m always trying to implement the thought that there are worse things happening to people and I should stop being upset at the situation I’m in. I’m also scared that when I do start thinking negative thoughts God will teach me a lesson. My family has changed their mind on their promise of wanting to help us. They decided to put conditions. Conditions in order for me to fulfill will hurt me emotionally. I have begged in the beginning but it seems that I have to beg more and I’m praying to God that it’s not my pride and I only beg to God and my savior Jesus Christ. My wedding day was not what I want it because we got married for my family and I feel awful and guilty because it seems that I’m not appreciative, when that is not the case. It blew up way over budget when all we wanted to do was a simple service and dinner. When I try to talk to some of my family their response is also that there are people who are in worse situations and I need to be thankful. So everyday I say that whenever I start feeling bad and stressed but the bills keeps piling up and I suppress any thoughts that I think is an ungrateful and unappreciative thought. I see people receiving his miracles and having their prayers answered, getting second chances, and I’m in the same spot. I got into a fender bender not too long ago and that’s another financial stress. I’m very thankful that I have insurance but I have to pay my deductible on top of the bills that I don’t have enough for. I’m not asking for charity I just need God to help me and guide me. I am in need of a miracle from him. I feel like he has abandoned me. I know he is there but I feel like I’m just not worthy of his blessings anymore. I am afraid because I know the minute I go astray or I start feeling negative he makes sure to remind me that worse things can happen, ex. the fender bender. Now what i pray for is not even for a miracle anymore is just me apologizing for the wrong things I’ve done and for him to please not lead me into temptation and not to give me anymore lessons because i can’t take it and afford it. My sister has been trying to get pregnant for the longest time and I pray for her instead of me. I have a friend who is in a very dark path and i just pray for her and ask him if he won’t help me, then please help my friend out of her dark troubled path. No more lessons, forgive me, bless my sister and her husband with a beautiful healthy baby that they can raise to be one of God’s little children, and help my friend. At this point I have nothing left. I’m scared and have given up. This is all I’m worthy of. Pray for my sister, my friend and for whatever you think I deserve. Thank you for all that you do NLC.